apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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