cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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