I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
