The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
