i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need water and some morals
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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