I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
