Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
