put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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