His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
