Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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