Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
