Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She told me I should be a condom model.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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