this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
