We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
