Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
