$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
