I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
