The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
