Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
