i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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