I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
