haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
