i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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