the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
