I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
