: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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