is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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