Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
