you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
