Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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