dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
