wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize