i need an iv and a liver transplant
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
