I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
