everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
