Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
