I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
