i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
