watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
