I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
