addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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