Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
