Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
