You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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