Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
