Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
