I think scott just propositioned me for sex
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
