I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
