so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
