Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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