Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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