My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
