She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
