I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
should my penis look like a turkey
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize