Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
