Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize