I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
