my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
