Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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