Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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