It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize