His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
