he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
