he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
