I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
