mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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