Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
