Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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