someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
