smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
