I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
